Rating: blue
Pairing: Erestor/Glorfindel
Warning: angst, no happy ending
Beta: Ever Efficient Eveiya, with special thanks to Kharessa for her wise comments
Summary: Erestor leaves Glorfindel.
Author's note: when real life influences fan fic... this is not my usual type of story, because it has no happy ending. The Glorfindel and Erestor in this ficlet are not the ones I usually write about, either. They are from an "alternative universe of my alternative universe". And that's where I will return them to immediately, because I much prefer Erestor and Glorfindel the way I usually write them.
NOT ENOUGH
Erestor had already cleared his desk, and now he was packing his clothes in a large saddle bag. Glorfindel sat on the bed and watched him, his fingers fiddling nervously with a thread he had picked up off the floor.
The advisor's packing was like his work: quick, efficient, methodical. Every garment was folded neatly, and his face wore a look of concentration. Glorfindel did not know what he had expected - tears? A tantrum? No. No, definitely not, not from Erestor. Over the years, he had learned that the more upset his lover was, the more controlled his behaviour became. Ex-lover, Glorfindel silently corrected himself. Not his lover anymore. All threads cut, the door closed. He was not allowed to hold or touch him anymore. Would Erestor allow him a hug before he left? Probably not. Erestor was so close now, Glorfindel only had to reach out to touch him, but he knew well that Erestor was in fact already far away, out of reach. For good. Forever.
Forever can be very long if you are immortal. Glorfindel tried to imagine the centuries stretching ahead of him - without Erestor. He shuddered at the thought. What would it be like not to hear his voice anymore? Not to have him around to talk to or to be quiet with?
Glorfindel sighed. Erestor glanced quickly up, his face expressionless, then he returned his attention to his clothes. Smooth out. Fold in one arm. Fold in the other. Then the next garment, same procedure.
The warrior would have felt a little better if he'd had a reason to be angry with Erestor. But alas, he knew very well that he was the only one to blame for Erestor's departure. He had lied once too often, and while Erestor had always forgiven him in the past, he did not forgive him this time.
It had not been anything serious. Just a woman from a village close by whom he had met at the market. They had got to talking, he had found her interesting, and before he really noticed what had happened, he had been away for a week. Had the search patrol Elrond had sent out to find him not arrived, Glorfindel would probably have spent another week in the woman's most delightful company.
Erestor had been both furious and relieved. He had tried to explain to Glorfindel that this was not only about staying away and possible unfaithfulness - an accusation Glorfindel denied firmly - but about Erestor being worried for him, and Glorfindel not considering this.
Erestor was right, of course. As usual. It was annoying how often the advisor was right. Sometimes Glorfindel felt inferior, and on bad days, he resented his lover for his lectures. Surely an Elf was entitled to some fun?
This aside, Erestor was so terribly predictable. His daily routine never changed, he never did anything exciting, and was neither interested in weaponry nor in the hunt. Books and studies, those were the things that made him happy.
Not that this was necessarily a bad thing. Erestor had brought some order to Glorfindel's life, and peace. Yes, being out in the taverns with his friends was fun, but it was so much better to rest in Erestor's arms, listening to him read, or just watching him write a letter in that fine, elegant script.
Erestor had been there in his good times, but he had also never left him in times of sadness and dread. No matter what Glorfindel did, he knew there was somebody who would stand by him under all circumstances.
Not anymore. In future, Glorfindel would be alone.
Erestor had finished packing, and now he put on his cloak. Dressed in leggings, boots, tunic and jerkin, the black hair firmly combed out back from his face and collected in a single braid, he looked strange. Strange and beautiful. Glorfindel's heart contracted painfully. This was not right. This was not the way their story was supposed to end.
The advisor picked up his saddle bags, then went to the door and opened it. For a moment he looked at Glorfindel, and while his expression remained impassive, his eyes were full of pain and sadness, and Glorfindel felt even worse than he had before, though he would not have believed this possible.
"So then. Farewell, Glorfindel."
Glorfindel. He called him Glorfindel in this last shared moment. Not "Fin", no - Glorfindel. The warrior knew why - he had lost the right to be addressed with love and affection by Erestor. Had lost this right by lying, cheating and being an airhead, by failing to admit the truth in time but instead stubbornly insisting on a hackneyed tale which was so obviously a lie that even an Elfling would have seen through it. Or in short: he had lost the privilege of being loved by Erestor because he had been a total, complete and utter idiot.
"You know that I love you, do you not, Erestor? You must know it," he murmured, pleading eyes lifted to Erestor's face.
Erestor sighed.
"I guess you do, Glorfindel. In your own, very odd way, you probably really love me. But you see," he said, and stepped through the door, "sometimes, love is just not enough."
Then he closed the door behind him, and Glorfindel could hear his steps recede down the corridor.
And he was alone.
* * *
The End
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